"Frank's Girl" - Season 3

No day is more special to a prisoner than Conjugal Day. Twice a month, inmates get to have sex with their wives or girlfriends, while others begin new relationships with "letter writers” they've never met. The worst is when guys who are supposed to have sex, can't. Like the time when Frank was locked in the hot box in the yard. He asks Earl to find his girlfriend of seven years, Billie and explain that he's not blowing her off. Frank shows Earl a naked picture of Billie, featuring a wing tattoo in a very private place.
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The eighth month of pregnancy is having an impact on Joy's everyday life. She's having a hard time playing pool with Darnell at the Crab Shack when she accidentally messes her pants. She runs for the ladies room, where Catalina sees her and snaps an unbecoming cell phone picture. Meanwhile Billie is pissed that Frank got himself locked in the hot box. When she finds out that Earl saw her naked picture, she tells him to tell Frank that it's over, ignoring Earl's advice that people deserve a second chance.
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Joy doesn't like being blackmailed by Catalina. She can't blackmail her back, since everyone already knows everything bad about Catalina, so Joy decides to kill her with poison cookies. Darnell suggests trying to be nice instead. Earl starts a new list, and adds Billie to it, but Frank goes into deep depression and gives up, which makes him a target. Earl decides the only thing to do is to get Frank a new girlfriend, and the only choice is to find a letter writer, using a website called Convict Match.
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Earl's lonely too, so he has Randy post a video for both him and Frank on Convict Match. Meanwhile, Joy gives Catalina a piñata, but the blackmail continues, so she decides to steal Catalina's phone. Cute Lucy shows up for a conjugal visit with Frank and they adjourn to the bedroom, while Earl struggles to make conversation with his date Annie, who's a pre-op transexual. When Frank grabs a radio antenna to pierce Lucy's belly button so she looks more like Billie, Earl promises to get Billie back.
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Catalina's already downloaded the photo of Joy from her phone, so Joy's back to square one. She decides to bake some poison cookies with laxative instead of poison, then lies in wait for the big moment at the Peach Pit. Earl decides that Billie needs something to make her feel safe. Randy helps Earl put a naked photo of Frank on a billboard where Billie's sure to see it, asking her to come back.
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Billie visits Frank on Conjugal Day. He runs off to steal flowers from another convict's memorial site, asking Earl to tell Billie he'll be right there, and nothing else. Billie explains that Earl's advice about second chances prompted her to enroll in nursing school, which she's going to quit now that she and Frank are getting back together. She had just graduated from community college on the day she met Frank, and somehow their relationship led her astray, as she tried to take on his hobbies of thievery and mayhem.
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Earl and Billie agree, it feels good to do good. Earl finds himself in a rough spot, and has to make a choice between helping someone on his list and helping someone who really deserves it. As much as he knows Frank wants Billie back in his life, she needs to not have him in hers. Earl tells Frank that if he really loves Billie, he'll let her go.
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After breaking up with Billie, Frank feels like a decent guy for the first time ever, even if it's not as nice a feeling as high-fiving himself in the mirror when he's doing a hot chick. Frank throws the naked photo of Billie in the garbage. But Earl can't stop thinking about Billie. It's good to know that there's someone out there working to do good things after years of doing bad, like him. He rips off the naked part of the picture and throws it away, keeping the picture of Billie's face.

"Creative Writing" - Season 3

Prisoners like to complain, but they're not the only ones who feel trapped. For instance, Darnell feels trapped in a crab-killing job that doesn't reflect his gentle nature; Catalina's trapped by being too pretty; Joy is trapped in motherhood; and Randy's hand is trapped in the pickle jar. The prison writing teacher challenges her class to escape into their imagination by writing a story about themselves where they can do anything they want.
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Earl's bunkmate Sonny is writing a story about beating up a gymnast, but Earl can't get a word on paper. Sonny tells him to close his eyes like he's driving on meth, and enter his imagination. Earl's imagination is totally white - the only thing there is the pesky gymnast, who won't leave until Earl stops thinking about him. Randy thinks writing sounds cool. He's already living in a world of his own, and has lots of story ideas.
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Randy's a superhero in his story. His right hand is H.R. Pufnstuf, and orangutan Richard is their driver. Evil Mr. Horn has kidnapped Earl and Catalina, and is holding them in the Crab Shack, which is guarded by a sumo guy with a bazooka and a puppet sniper. Randy shrinks himself to break in, then does battle with a bunch of ninjas to unmask Joy. He would never hurt a lady. Snap! Randy breaks Joy's neck. Lucky for him she's not a lady.
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Joy's having trouble with the boys, so Randy suggests that she write a story to cheer herself up. Once upon a time, there were two whiny brats who wouldn't do their homework. Their hot mother flies the boys through the air to meet someone who didn't do their homework, a giant dummy, who looks just like Earl. She asks Earl a math question - when will the train arrive? Standing on the railroad tracks, Earl gets it wrong and is smashed by a train. His bloody head pops off and the kids scream.
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Joy takes the boys to visit a big slob, who looks just like Randy. He's so nasty that moss grows on him, and things start sticking to him. First crumbs, then mice, then cars and buildings, Canada, etc., until he gets so heavy he falls off the Earth onto God's desk. God squishes Randy with his coffee cup. Joy tells the frightened boys the moral of the story: listen to what she says or God will kill them.
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Earl's bummed that everyone is more creative than him. Even Darnell writes a song to help him cope with the horror of killing crabs. Catalina writes her own Latin soap opera, "Catalina, Woman of 1000 Tears." On the eve of her wedding to rich Javier, Catalina risks it all. She has to spend one more night stripping in order to free her kidnapped brother. If Javier finds out, she will lose him.
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Evil Joy tips off Javier. When he sees Catalina dancing, he leaves, but she runs after him, to explain that she was just trying to free her brother. She didn't tell him because she's not interested in his money, only his heart. Javier forgives, and Catalina is finally able to cry tears of happiness for the first time.
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Earl tries everything to write a story, even using everyone else's stories. But nothing works, and ultimately God squishes him with his coffee cup. Finally he decides to stop trying to write something cool, and just write about regular stuff, like hanging out with the gang at the Crab Shack. Suddenly the words flow. Everyone can feel trapped in their everyday life, but when you're in jail, everyday life is the best fantasy of all. The class loves Earl's story and gives him a standing ovation.

"The Frank Factor" - Season 3

Feeling guilty, Joy visits Earl in prison, bearing gifts. Earl and Joy are delighted to spot their old pal Frank, whom they haven't seen in seven years, about the same time Earl and Randy got kicked out of their parents' house. They take up residence on a couch someone threw on the sidewalk, as a girl they haven't met yet - Joy - deals with her own problems. Impregnated by a one night stand who didn't leave his number, Joy's parents kick her out when her baby bump starts to show.
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Joy takes up residence at the motel, which smells so bad, she resolves to find a sugar daddy and fast. When Earl and Randy's couch is taken away on big trash pick-up day, they are once again homeless. Earl spots Frank's flyer offering a room for rent. The room in question is the kitchen of his one bedroom apartment. Muscled Paco, who likes to dance and sing in his underwear has the parlor. Overjoyed that they'll be able to pee in a half bath [the kitchen sink], Earl and Randy move in.
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Frank tells the boys that Paco is overcome with grief, having had to leave his woman, Catalina behind. She's convinced that Paco will return to take her to America. Earl and Randy love living with Frank, who drives a cool El Camino, and has a great job at the Crab Shack. The job will eventually become Darnell's, but at this time, he is still in the witness protection program.
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Earl and Randy need to get some money for the rent by the end of the week. At the Crab Shack, hooker Patty introduces her wealthy john, Yoshimitsu, who wears a giant diamond watch. Earl and Randy break into Yoshimitsu's motel room to steal the watch, delighted to find that Frank and Paco are thieves, too. Randy punches them both out, but all is forgiven - it's just the price of doing business.
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Meanwhile, Joy latches on to Tim, who wants to sample the milk before buying the cow. She's fine with that, even if her milk hasn't come in yet. Tim comes out of the bathroom dressed as a baby in diapers, and Joy knows it's not going to work out. Meanwhile, Catalina begins her journey to the U.S.
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The guys split the watch money four ways. Frank and Paco are going to invest their money in big guns to aid in their plan to rob an Indian casino, the same evening that Howie Mandel is scheduled to perform. Then Paco can send for Catalina and they'll be rich. Randy and Earl want to invest in their future too, so Frank cuts them in on the job, thinking that if there's four of them, his chances of getting killed will lessen.
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On the day of the big job, Paco and Frank leave to steal a van, so Randy and Earl chill at the Crab Shack, where they meet Joy for the first time. After his twelfth margarita, Earl decides to blow off the robbery for a quickie wedding in Vegas. Randy takes in an H.R. Pufnstuf marathon and forgets to go to the casino. Frank never comes back from the robbery, so Earl and Joy move into his bedroom and start driving his car, figuring he's on a beach somewhere.
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Frank admits that although the robbery went off without a hitch, things didn't go the way he planned. Catching a glimpse of Catalina, Paco crashes into an FBI van that has just dropped Darnell on the side of the road to start his new life. Their hostage, Howie Mandel escapes, and the jig is up. Realizing that if she hadn't taken Earl to Vegas he'd be doing 20 years, Joy finally feels guilt free.

"The Gangs of Camden County" - Season 3

Randy's missing Earl so much that he steals a car, hoping to go to prison, too. When no one shows up to arrest him after three days, Randy tries a different approach, and slaps a cop. Joy shows up at the lock-up to bail Randy out, because she promised to take care of him, and is a woman of integrity. Randy's just lucky that Earl's in jail for a felony Joy committed. Darnell's uncle got sentenced to 12 years for slapping a cop - Randy reckons he was lucky.
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Warden Jerry Hazelwood is a nice guy, but he's not too good at his job. He used to have a sweet life until his wife was elected governor, and ruined all his fun. When the job she got him with the National Guard didn't work out, she got him the warden job, figuring it wouldn't matter if he screwed up. But several inmates escaped after he allowed them to make ladders, and mandatory Bring Daughter to Work Day was a flop.
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The Warden calls Earl to his office to reward him with a certificate for one week off his prison sentence. There's a big problem at the prison - two rival gangs won't stop fighting. The Warden tried to lock up the two gang leaders, Hector and Jamal, in solitary for a month, but the fighting only got worse. If Earl can get them to stop fighting, the Warden promises him a certificate for a month off his sentence. Earl rises to the challenge.
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Earl's initial efforts to discover the roots of the gang feud are unsuccessful. Visitors Joy and Randy haven't been getting along, and Randy has brought Earl a snowball, hoping they can unscrew it and eat it together, like when they were kids. Earl asks Joy and Randy to each think of one nice thing about each other, and they manage to find some peace. Realizing that Randy and Joy's situation is just like Hector and Jamal's, Earl asks Ron to take him to the see the warden, sharing Randy's snowball with him on the way.
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The warden allows Earl to use his office to broker the peace, but Hector and Jamal seem reluctant to talk in front of the security camera. When Earl turns to disable the camera, they fall into a passionate embrace. Apparently, Hector and Jamal fell in love while in solitary, but decided to keep it a secret so as not to undermine their authority as gang leaders. The only problem: they can't stand to be apart, so they keep starting gang fights in the yard so they can share a moment together.
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Earl believes that Hector and Jamal need to be honest about their feelings, and Jamal agrees - he's sick of living in the shadows. Hector holds out; his gang will never accept Jamal. Feeling scorned, Jamal arms his gang with prison weapons, and the ensuing fight fills the infirmary. Meanwhile, things are getting better for Joy and Randy, as she helps him prepare to take the test to become a prison guard.
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Earl enacts a plan to show Hector what he's missing, working him into a frenzy. Hector finally asks Earl to bring Jamal a romantic love letter, but Jamal insists it's over. Hector makes a suicide run into an electrified fence, and Jamal rushes to him to save his life. He makes it look like he's punching Hector out as the lovers are reunited. On the outside, Randy scores 55% on his prison guard test.
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Earl convinces the Warden to allow Hector and Jamal to meet alone in his office once a month to work out the gang's differences. The gang fighting stops and the Warden rewards Earl with a month off his sentence. Earl learns that when two people really want to be together, they'll always find a way. That's when Randy shows up for his first day on the job as prison guard!